Hello there!
If I asked you to read this.. it's because I need you, or I'd like you to know what happened to me. And why I am stuff. And to those of you who found this n chance... Well it doesn't say who I am so. Yes. You can go ahead. Read. If I did ask you, congratulations. I trust you and I think you deserve to know.
Why I am. What I am today.
So I shall start, with a bit about me. As in, what I am as a person.
If this were a normal blog, I'd tell you my hobbies and stuff, to let you know more about me, as a person. Like my hobbies, and useless crap like that, but this is meant for people who know me. And who I think deserve to know... The truth about me.
I'm not a great or fantastic writer.
I'm smart. I can memorize my stuff well. I'm a good student. I do pretty okay at school.
I'm pretty persuasive as a person. I'm not negative, and I really don't like gossiping.
That's me.
I'm a slut. I'm pretty cold when it comes down to people.
I'm very horny. I'm very very horny.
I.. watch porn. I do stuff. I'm mean. I'm very very mean.
Blunt. Insensitive.
That's me.
Do you see where this is going?
That's all me. There's no split personality. There's no double duo. There's. Only. Me.
Back to my story.
I was not born in a happy family.
To begin with, my mother had no intention to marry my father. Did she love him? No. Did her parents accept him? No. Why did she marry him? Purely out of pity. That's sad isn't it.
Let me talk a bit about my parents just to show you.. How dysfunctional my family really is.
My paternal grandfather had 5 wives. And it's very drama. 2 are dead, my grandmother is alive, but separated. Not divorced, separated. It's probably going to be a power struggle to get their hands on my grandfather's massive amounts of wealth when he's a goner. And I don't wanna be there when that happens.
My mum, she was an accident. Oops. Sorry mum, I guess shit happens and it happens to be you. Her mum was a compulsive gambler and she borrowed money from my dad's mum.. And they haven't spoken since.
Lets just say, there's a reason why we don't have family reunion with both my mother and my father's sides of the family in the same room. It just.. doesn't happen.
Now the point of this sob story is to show why I have a skewered view of relationships.
I have learnt that when it comes down to it, your family is going to be the people who are going to turn on you. My family's the sort anyway.
Like there was this one time when I was 3. We had a birthday party, and my mum's parents were 3 hours late. And we waited.. and waited.. and waited for them to come and witness cake-cutting.
My father was.. pissed. Oh oh did I forget to mention that after the party, my dad sat my mum down on this small stool, towered over her and screamed about how her family was just.. Well, they were pretty shit. And then.. He told my mum that she would never see her mother again and neither could I. And my mum cried. Buckets. The tears just kept flowing. The stammering.
Oh and all this happened in front of me.
It kinda sucks to watch your mum cry.
And until like 3 years ago, I only saw my grandmother, twice a year. Max. Once during chinese new year, and maybe, just maybe, another time when I met her purely by coincidence when I went to my aunt's house to play, or something.
Happy childhood <3 I know people have worse lives, I'm not complaining.
I'm trying to say, at an early age, I learnt how people can be taken away, whisked out of your life, just like that. I witnessed.. Extreme grief, and anger, and how.. Devastating it's effects can be.
Now lets talk about.. relationships. Ooooh. Is it interesting? Nahhhh.
I have had 5 boyfriends.6 maybe.
Not a lot. I've pretty much mastered ow to get over guys. I've gotten down to an hour. It takes me about 50 minutes to get over a break up. Record time. Yeah so I'm going to tell you what I learnt from each one. And oh! Of course. There's more then boys I were in a relationship in. There are other guys who left a bit of a whole in my life. Two guys. I'm going to talk about two guys who I wasn't in a relationship with.. So eight guys. Eight lessons. And I'll start with the two I weren't in.. a relationship with. This is so repetitive, "In a relationship" "in a relationship"..
ANYWAY
#1 Gooi. That was your last name. It was cute. I thought it was anyway.
You were loaded, and you were. My best friend. And I told you I liked you more than a friend and now we're not friends anymore. Wonderful! Actually we are. We actually exchanged words this year when we went back to primary school. That's humongous improvement. Oh you made me cry when I made that mistake of tell Fionna who Josh liked. I cried for days, love. Days. And nights. Ouch ouch ouch! The memory still burns. And I told you I told her. Because I thought you deserved to know I "betrayed" you.
And now we don't even say shit to one another.
We used to talk about everything! Everything..
Ohhh well. No big deal. Have a nice time in RI. You're still one of the people I truly trusted.
So. What did this teach me? If you tell the truth it's just going to slap you in the fucking face.
#2 You're so sweet. You still are. But I don't like you. Even though you attempted to buy me dinner but you ran out of money, you goofball. You're one of my greatest friends, and I only have perfect memories with you. Perfect.
And this? You never get the perfect people. Ever. Life doesn't let you love the person who's so damn perfect for you.
#3 Ah. P3. "will you be my girfriend?" So cute. Good memories. Don't even talk anymore. Not even a word.
This? Life pushes people into the special realms of your life.. and then takes them away. Like that.
You scared me, honey, the way you stalked me around school.
#4 Oooh. You bastard, my first "lurve", don't believe in those anymore, and the guy I liked. A lot. You asked me. For naked pictures. Wow. You asshole. You started my downward spiral. I didn't give it. But you'll understand later. Cheated on me.. Toyed with my feelings.. You made me what I am today. And I hate myself. If I ever see you again.. I'll smile at you. Because you deserve nothing less than insincerity after what you did to me. I hope you burn in hell. I cried a lot. I did! I took a month to get over you. Aren't you glad? You poor insecure piece of shit. Don't worry honey, I'm sure there was a heartless bitch that made you this way. I don't blame you. There's a reason who you are what you are. And a reason why I am what I am, and you just happen to be one of my reasons.
People can lie to you and hurt you.. And not feel a fucking thing. That's what I learnt.
You probably feel real empty, dear. And I don't blame you at all.
If you find love. I hope you screw up bad.
You blocked me on facebook, too! But I don't blame you darling, I told my mum you asked for my nudie photos, I'd get scared too if I were you. Your Dad would have whipped you with his belt and your mum would have beat you to death with that baseball bat, love. And that's what you deserve. Have fun in Hwachong, Benjamin Neo.
#5 You're nice to me. But I know why. Yeah ok we shouldn't have done all that horny stuff together. I wish we hadn't done it because we have our own.. Partners now. And we couldn't stop. And it's kind of because of you I was doing crap with all those other guys after you. Really horny stuff. I only have myself to blame.. But thanks for opening my eyes to a world of pleasure anyway. It was fun while it lasted. Except that it didn't last. I had no plans on marrying you or anything, just purely sexual in that sense.
Here's what I learned, if you fuck up once, you'll just keep fucking up and no one's going to help you. Because no one can. And you can't expect them to.. Because you don't know what to do either.
#6 We weren't meant to be. Sorry for leading you on. Because.. I was lo-onely. Also because I tried to take your feelings into consideration and said "yeah, I like you too" Really. And it got extremely creepy when you were trying to call me all the time. And sms-ing me. And.. and.. I don't blame you ok. The last straw was when your ex-girlfriend slammed my facebook wall and basically called me homewrecker. And then proceeded to hack your phone, and take our private conversations which you (idiot) recorded, and posted it on youtube. She put. A recording. Of me. Talking about masturbation. And posted it. On youtube. And tried to blackmail me. Wow. She went to a hell lot of trouble to humiliate me. Sabrina Tay, honey, I regret ever even talking to your love because he was stalking the crap out of me. You really didn't need to stalk me too. And if by any chance you chose to stalk me and you have read. are reading this, I'm sorry.
And this is what I took home: Even if you lie to save someone's feelings. Someone else's is going to be shattered anyway. SOMEBODY. Especially when it comes to love. And the pain is going to come right around and bite you in the fucking ass.
#7 Oops. Shouldn't have promised you sex. You were mad. We don't talk anymore. And that's great. Because I don't really like you. You're a bit mean sometimes. You called my friend a bitch. You didn't really respect me. And your mind was empty. Too much horny. It was fun playing with your feelings.
Being a jerk is fun, lesson learnt.
#8 Oh wow. Fantastic. I broke up with you a few hours ago. Sort of. Because we weren't legitly together. And -oops text from brendan. ANYWAY. You. You you you. Stole all my pride. Myself. And you left. You stole it. Everything you could have possibly taken. My body. My mind. My time. My feelings. Thank you. And what did you have to say for it?
"I'm sorry"
OH GEE. NOW THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BRING BACK EVERYTHING.
So this is what I learnt:
You. You can never take back what you lost. And nothing. Nothing you can do or say will make things ok.
And this is my explanation. For why I choose to do somethings. And other stuff. If you know.
And I'm done for today. Goodbye.
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